Pettitte, You And Your Crab Eyes Can SUCK IT!!

We'll miss you Dorothy

R.I.P Bea Arthur

May 13th 1922 ~ April 25th 2009

Congratulations Vicky. Point well scored. 

4/20

Happy 4/20, Pot Heads and Experimenters Alike.

A Tree Grows In Bronchlyn

So, some doctors in Russia say that this dude has a tree growing in his lungs. They claim that he inhaled a seed, the thing germinated and started to grow in his lungs. The picture shows that it is a little green sapling. Yeah Right!

Let's go over some basic ecology: 

Have any of you ever had white asparagus? Do any of you know why it is white? It's because it is grown in the dark. Guess what, plants are green because they need sunlight to produce chlorophyl (which is what makes them green). Guess what isn't inside your lungs. Sunlight. And that's after it has broken out of the ground, I'm not even going to get into the water and nutrients that it needs to germinate. 

Give me a break Russian "Doctors". If you guys are correct and not just trying to get in the news then we need to warn the world that M. Night Shyamalan is right. Plants have evolved and are trying to kill us off. 

Who Wants Some Feta?

As my rommate, Jenni, and I were sitting out in our backyard during the first beautiful day of the season, we noticed this gem sitting under a tree. Who needs this much cheese!?

This Bitch Shoplifted

Have any of you ever seen a commercial that made you NOT buy the product? I have. I absolutely HATE this Dannon Yogurt commercial. It actually makes me want to punch this girl. I mean, hello, she's stealing! The sound is gross and the way she touches her mouth at the end just really gets to me. And please, her face would be dripping with yogurt! I used to buy this yogurt all the time, and this commercial has actually made me not want to buy it.

Is this too strong of a response to a commercial? I can't wait until I don't watch daytime tv anymore.

 

Carolina Sphinx

For those of you who watch The Soup you probably saw them talking about Isabella Rossellini's project, Green Porn. It is a series of very short films talking about how animals and bugs have sex. It really makes you pause and think to yourself....am I awake? 

Go here to watch all 10 episodes. I particularly like Whales and Snails. 

Also fun, click on the link to get your green porno name. You can call me Carolina Sphinx. 

An Easter and Passover Gift

"Easter Bunny"

You may ask yourself, what kind of gift can I possibly give in a blog for these Holy of Holy holidays? This gift is, I'd say, greater even than an easter basket full of peeps and Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs!

I give you the gift of guilt free sex and masturbation! (very handy especially if you are Catholic or Jewish)

WHAT?! you say?  How can I possibly do this? Well, as I was watching a documentary on the History Channel about the bible, I did some research and I came across this amazing/hilarious website. It gives arguments using bible quotes about why masturbation, anal sex and even fisting (what?!) is sanctioned, even encouraged by God himself. 

So if any of you out there have a vibrator still in the package that you got in a bridal shower goody bag, feel free to break it out and give it a go, completely sin free. Just don't forget to "say a prayer of gratitude, thanking the Lord for our bodies, for sexual pleasure, and for masturbation as a means of experiencing the bliss of orgasm"

Happy Easter!!

I Heart John Stewart

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
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Attention Jews

Fear not my Kosher friends. You too can join in a little lick-shoot-and-suck with your Mexican buddies (and others wanting an excuse to drink tequila on a sunday afternoon) this Cinco De Mayo with this brand new KOSHER TEQUILA!

L'Chaim!!!